Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall emotional evaluation of their own worth. It involves a variety of beliefs about oneself, such as “I am competent,” “I am worthy,” or “I am a good person.”
People with low self-esteem – like Tessa, the heroine of the Degraded Series – can often have trouble maintaining healthy relationships. This can manifest in several ways:
- Fear of Rejection: Someone with low self-esteem might constantly worry about being rejected or abandoned. They may interpret minor disagreements or conflicts as signs that the other person wants to end the relationship. This fear can lead to clingy or needy behavior, which can strain the relationship.
- Difficulty Trusting Others: Low self-esteem can make it hard to trust others. They may be overly suspicious or paranoid, fearing that others are out to hurt them or take advantage of them. This lack of trust can create tension and conflict in relationships.
- Tolerating Poor Treatment: Individuals with low self-esteem often feel they don’t deserve respect or kindness, so they may tolerate abusive behavior or mistreatment. This can lead to toxic or unhealthy relationships.
- Struggle with Communication: They may find it hard to express their needs, feelings, or boundaries, fearing that doing so will upset others or lead to rejection. This can result in unmet needs and resentment in the relationship.
- People-Pleasing Behavior: They may go out of their way to please others, often at their own expense. This can lead to a lack of balance in the relationship, where their needs and feelings are overlooked.
- Lack of Confidence: Low self-esteem can lead to a lack of confidence in social situations, which can make it difficult to form new relationships or maintain existing ones.
Tessa, a single-mom – what some might call the perfect MILF – is lonely, confused and depressed since being dumped by her one-time lover and has taken to hanging out in bars and looking for love in all the wrong places. When a stranger approaches her she’s delighted to discover that he’s a friend . . . or is he? You be the judge.
Degraded In the Bar
I walk into 7th & Orange and I see you sitting just where he told me you would be, at the very end of the bar, where you naively believe that nobody will bother you. I smile to myself when I see you have that look on your face and you are posing your body in such a way, vainly attempting to telegraph to the entire room that you want and need no one. But I know that this is just a facade, ready to crumble at any moment, and that despite your better judgment you crave somebody – somebody who is exactly like me.
When he told me what he had done to you, laughing over drinks, I admit that at first I was repulsed, to think that a man would actually treat a woman the way that he treated you. But as he continued to tell his story I began to see the humor of it all, and eventually joined him in his laughter, with any of my mis-placed disgust banished from my mind. After all we are men and you are a woman and we treat you as nature intended us to do.
And because you allow us to treat you the way that we do.
You were anxious to go out with my friend even though he is nearly fifteen years your senior. You’re a single mom with a daughter just entering college and you had not been out on a date, had not been alone with a man for god knows how long, so you jumped at his invitation to dinner. He knew you were desperate for company, desperate for whatever scrap of affection you could get from a man and he decided to take advantage of you, even though he knew that your relationship – if you could even call it that – was not going to go anywhere save for whatever he decided to do to you that night.
Not that my friend wasn’t attracted to you. You have the MILF-like quality that he likes. Mid-40s in age, red hair and a nice figure despite having had two children. About your hair, he was curious to discover if you were a true red head and he knew that the color of the landing strip between your legs would answer that question. So even though my friend prefers paying for no-strings-attached sex he decided to make an exception for you, for one night only.
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Degraded In the Car
As we walk out of my apartment and into the elevator you slide your arm through mine and I’m appalled – indeed, pleasantly so – at how disgustingly easy it was to manipulate you into doing whatever deviant sexual act I chose for you to do this night and the last.
You smile at me, you laugh, you flirt, thinking that you have finally found a man that you can actually like, and one who might actually like you in return, totally oblivious to the fact that I am the type of man that you seek desperately not to attract.
But you are a like a moth attracted to a flame. You know you are going to get burnt, but you just can’t help yourself. Despite your better judgment you crave someone who is exactly like me. I am a man and you are only a woman and I treat you – or perhaps better said, mis-treat you – the way that nature intended a man to treat a woman.
My friend is the one who first told me about you. Laughing over drinks he described how pathetically desperate you were for a date. After all, behind a single mother, a MILF in his words, with a daughter just entering college, an 18-year old daughter who was bordering just this side of promiscuity, couldn’t be an easy task.
And he almost felt sorry for you. Not sorry enough, however, to prevent him from taking advantage of you. He knew you were desperate for company, desperate for whatever scrap of affection you could get from a man and he decided to use you, even though he knew that your relationship – if you could even call it that – was not going to go anywhere save for whatever he decided to do to you that night.
What exactly did he do to you that night? My friend laughed, and I admit that at first I was repulsed, to think that a man would actually treat a woman the way that he treated you. But as he continued to tell his story I began to see the humor of it all, and eventually joined him in his laughter, with any of my mis-placed disgust banished from my mind.
You. When you told me the story of what he did to you, your version was even more amusing than his. ‘Pumped you and dumped you’ was the phrase that you’d used, so aptly describing the way he’d knocked you up after your pathetic one-night stand. Funnier, maybe not to you but certainly to me, was how deftly he avoided any contact with you once you discovered that he’d gotten you pregnant.
There’s no way you could have known this, of course, but you weren’t the first woman, and very likely not the last, that my friend had done this to. He prides himself on this act. Although I’ve never seen it, he tells me that he actually keeps notches on his bed post showing the number of times he’s ‘left his mark’ and escaped unscathed.
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Degraded In the Bath
I look up from the Tequila Sunrise that I’ve been nursing for the last half hour and smile when I see you enter the bar. Ever so vaguely I remember the night before, your helping me out of the restroom and taking me to a cab to get me safely home, but not much else, although the tequila in the Sunrise is beginning to sober me up, or so it seems.
“I wasn’t sure you were going to call,” I say, then catch myself, hoping that I don’t come across as being so sarcastic.
You stop short in your tracks, give me a mock shock look of surprise, then smile as you seat yourself next to me at the bar. “Don’t I always do what I say I’m going to do, Tessa?” you ask, motioning to the bartender to bring you a gin and tonic and to re-fill my drink.
I return your smile and wince, my head still aching from the night before, our night before. I remember the sound of the alarm going off banging and bouncing through my brain making it feel like some kind of human pin ball machine. When I woke up I had a migraine that wouldn’t stop and my mouth felt like the entire Russian army had shot their rocks off in my mouth, the taste a disgusting combination of vomit and alcohol and sperm, though I had no memory of where the latter might have come from. In short, I felt like shit.
I reached over to the nightstand to slide the alarm clock lever off, managing to knock over the half-filled glass of rancid beer that I’d used to wash down my sleeping pills the night – wait, make that early this morning – before. The big hand was on the 12 and the little hand was on the 4 and I realized that it’s four-fucking-p.m. in the afternoon.
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Degraded Everywhere
Degraded: Everywhere is a collection of the entire Degraded series – In The Bar, In The Bath, and In The Car.
Tessa, a single-mom – what some might call the perfect MILF – is lonely, confused and depressed since being dumped by her one-time lover and has taken to hanging out in bars and looking for love in all the wrong places. When a stranger approaches her she’s delighted to discover that he’s a friend . . . or is he? You be the judge.
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If you like what you see and read, be sure to check out the Disgusted Series as well!